The lonely feeling came to her even when she believed her life was not that bad. She had a steady job, a close friend and was going to school full time. Things were coming along well.
Her life was normal and good. Except that terrible, burdening ache that always came to her. It would approach at dinner, as she picked at the rice in her bowl. A slight tingling of sadness. Nothing too much she could push away and finish her meal. As she watched her nightly shows, it came back to her this time more forceful. Almost knocking the breath out of her. Her eyes stung and she gulped back the strong urge to sob. She didn't- wouldn't let it take over her evening. At least not yet.
In her bedtime routine, she brushed her teeth, washed her face and laid out her clothes for tomorrow. She even decided to get the coffee pot ready for the early morning rush she would be faced with.
She liked to be prepared.
Then it was time for bed. She creaked open the door to her room, hesitating at the entrance. Her bed was neat, made up cute and girly.
To any other person, it would appear comforting and inviting, yet she knew what would greet her when she would lay her head on the pillow. That feeling again. The aching, forceful, invading doom of loneliness that would engulf her. No matter how many times she tried to shove it away, sadness always won. It would not let up until she fell asleep, sniffling, her body physically exhausted of itself. The result after a hard battle that she did not conquer.
She sucked in through her teeth. Now or never. She flicked the light switch off and dragged herself to the side of the bed. Slowly, she folded back the sheets and at once the feeling kicked in.
Almost if on que. Her eyes welled and she looked to the ceiling to tilt the salty tears back in. She did not want this to start. She did not want to begin this cycle all over again.
But it was too late. Tucked into fetal position, she let the day's sorrows overwhelm her. Loneliness was more than a feeling. It was her.
It hung back in the shadows as she went along with her day, but as soon as she was alone enough, he would haunt her with his heaviness. Whispering lies of despair into her ears.
She blew her nose and settled after a solid cry. She wondered how she never ran out of tears, crying each night before she fell asleep. Is there no max to sadness or does it simply
go on forever? Can one not simply weep away their sorrows? If only the solution was there.
She wrapped herself further into the sheets, comforted by their coolness on her face, but aware of how alone she was. So very aware of every empty inch around her. Heavy eyes drooped shut, her breathing became even.. The anxiety, sadness and loneliness melted off as she went into a comatose state. Being asleep, she wouldn't have to feel anything. It was a haven from the plights of being alive.
Here, she was simply fine. And that was okay with her.
Tomorrow she will wake up, refreshed and ready for the day. She'll get dressed, brush her teeth and make a semi-healthy breakfast. Most of her day will run smoothly, except for the minor bumps and bruises. Which are easily fixable. Her mood will be chipper, the empty feeling in her stomach far in the corner of her mind. She might even believe it gone. It was times like these she held onto hope.
But she feared the sunset, like a curse in a fairy tale, nothing could stop it from running it’s course. As it dips into the horizon, so will the loneliness dip into her heart and then splash all at once, engulfing her in the murky waters.
