She is scrambling.
Her finger tips are losing hold on the illusion of sturdy walls around her. Slowly and deliberately, they are moving farther and farther away from her. Her heart flutters in waves of panic, her rapid breathing reflecting her soul. With desperation, she tries to cling to what she knows. Splinters become embedded under her fingernails.
If only she knew.
If only she knew how loved she was. How the walls moving away from her are not a curse, but a means to surrender. I wish she knew her value. That she doesn’t deserve side remarks, one-night stands and shallow touches.
My heart cries for her. My heart cries for all the times she came to me and gave me her sorrows. She spilt them on my lap, her thoughts disorderly, her wants misconducted. She tells me she wishes she knew the answers to her pains and sorrows. I tell her there is a way, but her ears are shut to anything else but her suffering.
How do I show her she is worthy if her heart is closed? How do I put words into her mind that make her reestablish her value from nothing to something that is priceless? I see her falling and I try to help her stand. I reach my hand towards her.
Here, let me help you. Let Him help you. Let Him take care of you my friend. Let Him love you.
The desperation in her eyes is unbelievably heavy. My friend, please take His hand. She politely declines and turns back to her crumbling tower. They give her a sense of security while there is none.
I want to yell out and force her to take my hand, but I know that’s not how it works. Slowly, He is folding down the walls around her heart. Slowly, God is showing her that her ways are not working.
They tell me as a Christian, I plant a seed. Sometimes it does not feel that way. Planting a seed is when the soil accepts it. It feels like I am just trying to dig a hole in the stubborn ground, dry from the drought. Chipping away layer of layer of rusted dirt, trying to find the core.
He will not grow tired. He will not cease to pursue her heart. My friend, He will not leave you. You may believe you are fighting the dark alone, but He is there, waiting for you to look back and accept His help.
