The nagging feeling in the back of my head tells me that I am not using the most of my time. Before I was a flight attendant, when I lived full time at home and had a normal full time job, this would have been more acceptable to me. I would have felt that I earned this relaxing time more because of the hard work that I did that day.
Reserve life is different than that. You can be on duty all day, waiting for a call from crew tracking, but in reality not doing anything at all. For me I have an hour and a half call out time to be at the airport if crew tracking calls me, I really cannot go anywhere. Or anywhere far in fact. Since I am based in D.C and live part time in a hotel far from anything walking distance, I have no other choice than to hang around the hotel room most of the day.
By nature I am a proactive person. Laying around sounds indulgent at first, but then tiring after the 3rd, 4th hour of the 2nd day in a row. Proactive me wants to get things done, go somewhere, do anything but sit and watch another episode of "The Office". Really, I just want to have meaning outside my job. I want to feel like I am using the most of my days, rather than just sitting and wasting away.
Trust me, I was warned of the "reserve nightmares" as many of the flight attendants like to refer to it. I was prepared for the countless dead days, of waiting and waiting till you finally get the call to action. I knew the pros and cons of this job, but now I want to maximize it.
I can feel it in my bones, literally! I feel my body calling out to move, to grove, to do something different for a change. And I have addressed those issues, because I want to help myself before I completely lose myself.
I don't want to lose myself physically, but also not emotionally or spiritually. I don't want to become so compliant sitting around, I forget who I am outside of this jobs. My fear is that I will forget who I am . My passions, my interests, my hobbies, my inner being.
I believe that is when balancing is very important for me. Because I like to be in control of my life, I sometimes feel like I am out of control when the days slip pass me and I successfully completed a season of "New Girl" and barely moved an inch from my bed to the kitchen. I hate to admit it because it sounds like I am a complete slob, but there are days when it's hard to motivate yourself to getting up and merely taking a walk around the hotel complex.
I don't want to make the impression I am ungrateful for this job or no longer enjoy it. Neither of those apply to me, as I am beyond blessed to be living out my dreams. Let's just say, my dreams turned out to be a bit different. But that's okay with me. It presents a new challenge for me to do life. The flight attendant life is different than the average life and with that comes unique ways to balance the new opportunities that are presented to me.
I just need to remember to remember who I am. Just because I am far away from, doesn't mean I need to be far away from me.
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